Cheating Spouse/Cheating Mate
Do You Suspect Your Mate/Spouse Is Cheating?
There are many different warning signs, below are just a few that are red flags and can point to Infidelity behavior.
We realize that even thinking that your spouse may be cheating is a difficult and painful thought. Unfortunately, if you have a suspicion that your spouse is unfaithful, you may be right; according to statistics, wives who suspect their husbands of cheating are correct 90% of the time, while husbands who suspect their wives of cheating are correct 70% of the time. Therapist Peggy Vaughan's research has suggested that approximately 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will cheat at least once in their marriage. Despite the prevalence of cheating; 70 percent of married women and 54 percent of married men do not know about their spouse's infidelity.
These statistics do not even include nontraditional forms of infidelity, although these forms exist. It is estimated that 40 million Americans have virtual encounters of a sexual nature on the INTERNET, of which many may seek out so-called "emotional affairs".
1. Suspicious cell phone behavior—Watch especially for unusual phone behavior such as hiding their phone or going into another room to answer a call. Also Not letting their cell phone out of sight.
2. Smelling of another person’s perfume or cologne—Pay attention to the timing of when they do their laundry. Do you do it or do they? Is this a change from the way it used to be?
3. Leaving the house at strange hours—Perhaps working late nights when they did not do this before; or going to see some friend that you’ve never heard of.
4. The history on the internet is constantly being deleted and suspicious behavior when checking email and during online chatting.
5. At the beginning of an affair, the husband/wife may actually be more affectionate than usual due to guilt feelings.
6. Later, after the affair has been going on awhile, he/she often starts finding fault with the wife/husband as a defensive mechanism (i.e., to justify the affair in his/her mind).
7. Cheating partners often lose interest in domestic activities, such as spending time with the kids, fixing up the house, lawn care, etc.
8. Cheating partners may have a change in sexuality (i.e., more sex, less sex) as well as unexplained sexual requests.
9. The cheater’s relationship with their family will almost always change, that is, he/she will tend to become more distant, cold, or fault-finding (i.e., he/she starts to blame the family, especially the partner, for his/her behavior).
10. Financial changes may become noticeable. The partner may notice unexplained credit card charges or withdrawals from the family’s checking account.
11. Grooming habits change. A cheating partner may buy a new wardrobe or a lot of new clothes, or may just suddenly start to become more attentive to their personal appearance. The wife/husband may notice frequent bathing, more careful grooming, new cologne, a new exercise program, etc.
12. Physical clues to the affair may start appearing, such as lipstick on shirt collars, perfume odors on shirts or jackets, secretion stains on underwear. Or the wife/husband may discover pieces of paper with notes or phone numbers, unexplained match books, receipts, condoms, etc.
13. The partners driving pattern may change. The wife/husband may find the car needs gas more often than before or they may monitor the car’s odometer and find the partner is putting a lot of unexplained miles on the car.
Thing you can do:
-Begin to Keep track of the mileage on the suspected partner’s car and even monitor the time they leave for work and the time they come home.
-Keep a calendar and note the times. This should help establish a pattern.
This is also another very predictable statement that will come from . If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new "friend"; then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship,it's a big warning sign and one you should take seriously.
If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention cause something is probably up. He/she may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse. Big warning sign!
16. "I need some space to figure out my feelings"
Men and women who are involved with someone else will request more space, time alone or away from the family. They may say it is due to confusion over their feelings or stress at work. This can be a sign that there is someone else and the spouse is trying to figure out ways to have more freedom.
17. Regular work habits change.
Working late, going to work at odd hours or, putting in more time than is normal on work related issues can be indications that a spouse is cheating.
If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed.
18. Spending a large amount of time on the computer.
In today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs.
19. Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone.
Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records.
20. Behavior that just does not add up.
Not being where he/she was expected to be. Missing time they can't explain. Money that isn't accounted for. Receipts for things you don't have. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day. If something is off with their behavior, you should suspect cheating.
21. Hiding credit card bills and/or transactions.
Please keep in mind that there may be other red flags as well. We can help determine for you if the behavior in which you are suspecting as unusual is anything to worry about or not during your FREE consultation.
What Does An Infidelity Investigation Entail?
Investigations will vary based upon your needs and the private investigator conducting the investigation. However, many times an investigation to catch a catching spouse may include:
Surveillance- A private investigator can watch your spouse through advanced surveillance methods to make sure that you have the evidence you need. Rather than relying on hearsay or your own suspicions, an investigator can help you know.
Evidence gathering- Seeing a cheating spouse caught on tape is not pleasant, but if an investigator uncovers proof of infidelity, such evidence can help you land a better divorce settlement or can give you the tool you need to confront your mate. If a private investigator finds solid proof that your spouse is faithful, the peace of mind can help ensure that your relationship survives any suspicion.
Professional techniques- When you hire a professional investigator, the investigator will use professional investigative techniques to find out whether your spouse is unfaithful or not. They will have access to technology and equipment that the average person would not.
What Should I Expect from an Infidelity Investigation?
Investigations into cheating spouses can range from hours to several months. Regardless of length of time, when you go to see a private investigator about a cheating spouse, you will be treated with discretion and respect. The investigator will listen to your suspicions, take them seriously, and will ask you how you want the investigation to be shaped. You will remain in control of how the investigation proceeds and your professional investigator will investigate your spouse--on your terms--until you are completely satisfied. You will be able to get regular updates about the status of the investigation and only you will get to decide what to do with the information that is gathered.
Some people seek help as soon as they feel some suspicion that their spouse is cheating. Knowing for certain is important to them before they confront their partner. Others know their spouse in unfaithful but want solid evidence. If worries about your spouse are affecting your relationship or causing you stress, speaking with a private investigator can help.
For private investigation to work, you need to be willing to commit to an investigation. This means that you must be willing to speak openly with the investigator about your situation and you must be willing to find out the truth. As long as you are willing to do these things, you can take control of your situation.
What Can We Provide For You?
We are highly experience, professional and educated.
We are result driven and very successful in obtaining that which you seek.
We are very well educated and knowledgeable about the laws surrounding your case.
We will hold your case in the strictest of confidentiality.
We will provide evidence regarding any information we have discovered, witnessed and obtained. This information can be used legally and if needed in the court of law or simply to have proof.
Our Surveillance methods surpass all others and we have an arsenal of devises and technology that can legally be used in your case, if need be.
We have worked thousands of cases and will lend our expertise to you and your case.
Setting Expectations for Clients in Infidelity Cases
June 26, 2017-by Kimberly Faber
Infidelity investigations are often a popular case type that investigators handle. One important part of taking on a new client is setting expectations, including for cost, process, outcome, and findings. Many clients may not understand the process, including associated costs and the timeframe for gathering relevant information.
For expert advice on the topic, we surveyed a group of investigators who offer infidelity and cheating spouse investigation services. We share 40 expert tips gathered from that survey below.
For more information on infidelity investigation statistics, view the Signs of a Cheating Spouse Infographic.
Some good points, we at CIA Colorado Investigative Agency and many PIs use, taken from this article (our prices may vary, please call for our rates)
- Only investigations indicated as having a high probability of success are accepted.
- Client may not interfere with with investigation, invade spouse's or paramour's privacy by any means, nor discuss investigation with unrelated 3rd parties prior to conclusion of investigation.
- Retainer is based on fee-paid, detailed estimate, and is rendered in full prior to initiation of investigation.
- Agency requires 2 days notice for cancellation of a scheduled surveillance without financial penalty.
- If spouse was previously and/or unsuccessfully investigated, client must honestly divulge that fact and produce written report of previous results(or attempt) for consideration of case acceptance.
-Any request to perform outside legal and professional limits are declined.
- The end results are not always what a client wants or thinks it should be. We have had cases where we followed people off and on for months and never caught them cheating. When you report this back to the client there are some that simply think you didn't do your job. We always tell people, just because they may exhibit signs of cheating it doesn't always mean they are and we can't catch people that aren't cheating, cheating!
- The cost is always discussed up front, some people think you can catch a cheating partner in 1 hour and an investigation will only cost $65.00. In a rare circumstance have we ever caught a cheating partner within the first moment of beginning surveillance work. It's often difficult to get people to understand that often when people cheat they don't always meet with their lover daily or even every week. So sometimes it takes a little time to discover what they are doing. Time is money!
- I let the client know that I will do everything in my power to bring resolution to their problem. Sometimes they are just wrong, and there is nothing going on. PI work is 50% luck and 50% skill. You have to be in the right place at the right time and have the knowledge to do a proper and professional job once the situation presents itself. I also stress to them that they will feel like the other person knows as soon as they walk away from me, that they are being investigated. I also stress to them to keep their behavior the same as it was the day before they met with me.
-Depending on the signs that raised suspicion and habits 2-3 weeks, $1,0000.00 retainer, explain our steps to provide results depending on the questionable behavior. And optional steps moving forward after confirmation such as attorneys or counseling.
- I generally tell my clients that it's difficult to uncover infidelity with less than 10 hours of surveillance. Its possible, but not likely. I suggest a minimum of 20 hours of surveillance. Assuming I'm only using one investigator on the case, that will cost a client around $3000. So a thorough infidelity investigation will run a client a minimum of $3000. We like to have a consultation with the client before surveillance begins in order to iron out the details of the case (surveillance schedule, physical descriptions, etc). We cannot guarantee results and we usually take a full retainer up front.
-Timeline 1-3 days of surveillance. No guarantees that we will find anything. Will not induce the subject into making contact. Provide them with our hourly rate and mileage rates.
- I let my clients know what to expect up front so as they do not get unreasonable expectations. Cost is one of the first thing we discuss.
- Every client is given a realistic set of expectations as to what my profession can legally engage in, that is in some cases when they ask for off the radar information; it is explained that in the course of conducting an investigation it serves the client's best interest in utilizing a legally licensed & insured professional. This allows all information harvested to be admissible and shared between both parties.
We always tell people, just because they may exhibit signs of cheating it doesn't always mean they are and we can't catch people that aren't cheating, cheating!
- Timelines are given a pragmatic approach in each case as it begins to build steam. Upfront however the client is advised that until their mate is acquired, it will take an approximate 1 - 2 hours of observation; which leads to how the mate interacts in their setting. The client is then briefed on when to expect to hear from the investigator during the OP
- Fees, costs are presented on a case by case consultation basis, after the initial intake and qualifications of the clients wants/needs. The fee schedule is agreed upon and a binding contract is then entered into with the aforementioned listed as a description of services to expect.
- No pictures of them in bed together. Difficulties of the case based on their circumstances. It is not like you see on TV. Cost.
- Results can not be guaranteed. Do they really want to know? What will they do when they find out?
- We explain that there are cases where their mate(s) will not be cheating. In certain cases, because of the controlling nature of the client, their mate may just be lying to spend more time with his/her friends. Whether to watch a football game or just hangout, all this is possible. We begin every investigation with the idea that the person could or could not be cheating. We then explain to our infidelity clients that once we begin to see signs (evidence) of cheating, we follow up on those leads to confirm or deny that they are directly associated with infidelity.
- Each assignment holds a different potential, cost, outcome, results and findings and are different due to the client, their mate and the paramour involved in the matter. With the matter of children and the potential of or outcome of domestic violence, this to will reflect in this answer.
-Sometimes we Suggest counseling. Full report will be given with photos and or video.
- The more information they provide me the more cost effective and best chance of providing results.
- We tend to prepare them for the worst. By the time they call us they know the answer. They just want proof.
- Our clients are told the expectations are entirely up to the individual we are investigating. It all depends on the activities that individual is engaged in during the hours of investigation. We tell our clients that domestic investigations generally cost between $1,500 & $5,000 depending on the circumstances of the subject and how much time you want.
- We will also gather as much information about the spouse: habits and routines, names locations, relatives.
- Findings vary from client to client. No guarantees and timeline could vary. They will have evidence of good or bad to hopefully set their mind at ease.
- If your spouse is cheating I can prove it. If your spouse is NOT cheating, it will take much longer to prove he(/she) is because nothing will be caught!
- We always tell them that we might catch the cheating spouse during the first surveillance (if he/she is cheating on a regular basis) or it could take much longer (if he/she is only cheating sporadically) or we might not catch them at all (if he/she is, in fact, not cheating or is no longer - ---Make them very aware that some behaviors are not caused by infidelity, it can be very time consuming and sometimes a final conclusive result is not obtained.
- Always advise the client that no results are guaranteed but we will do our very best to either prove or disprove infidelity; time frame varies so the client needs to be understanding of this.
- We explain first the cost and the potential for how costly it gets. We also caution that emotions will run high in this kind of investigation and to rely on us to get through it.
- Understand the total amount client would like to spend. Results are not guaranteed it is unknown what information will be obtained.
- Cannot guarantee results especially if the client has been trying to follow them or has been threatening to catch them. To expect that even when the subject is confronted with results they will deny it to the end. The client will usually expect them to confess, repent and beg forgiveness when confronted. That's not going to happen. The client cannot go with you and will not be called to give details for an immediate confrontation. It will still cost the same with or without results and the money will be paid up front.
- I always tell clients not to expect anything because there are never any guarantees.
- Each case varies on circumstances, income level of your target, etc. If it's going on we can solve 90% or more of the cases using various methods, not just surveillance.
- First, I speak with them and ask them the first question: Do you want to stay married? If the answer is yes, Ultimately, the best client in terms of dealing with the process is the one who says I just want to know the real truth.
- I explain that the investigation could be expensive and ask them if they have thought if the funds could be better spent on counseling or attorneys. I tell them the case will cost 1500.00 to 5,000 (and then we try to come in under that). We let them outline the time frames and tell us what they want for reports, video, etc. Whatever they want, they basically get.
- The most important thing to convey to the client is that the investigation really only speaks to the here-and-now of the period of investigation. We see one partner cheating or we don't. There's no way we can reliably speak to what they might do in the future, and proving what they may have done in the past is an uncertain proposition at best. Keeping the focus on the current period, and shaping the investigation techniques with an eye to what would you want to do next if he/she is cheating as far as documentation, is crucial.
- I advise that we cannot guarantee results, price, process and timeline.
These represent just a small sampling of suggestions from private investigators for setting expectations for clients.